In my research, what I have found to be very interesting is that often partners of opposite spending styles are attracted to each other. The “spender” is attracted to the “saver” and vice versa. For some couples, these opposite styles work because one partner manages the money and the other doesn’t mind being managed. Other times, this can eventually lead to how power and gender show up in the relationship and can cause problems.

For example, the partner who is the saver and manages the money may also be the breadwinner in the relationship – these combined roles may lead to that partner having the control over financial decisions even though the other partner hadn’t meant to relinquish that power in exchange for not having to physically manage or earn the money. Their contribution to the couple ship or the family may be from non-monetary means and they want more power and voice over financial decisions – especially as time goes on and there is more disposable income.

Much of how this plays out very often has a lot to do with each partner’s family of origin values around money and each partner’s subsequent belief system about money (their money scripts). Working with couples around these issues can be important in understanding why each partner behaves as they do. From there, building empathy for each partner’s money style promotes a fertile ground for implementing positive communication techniques and solid financial practices such as you mentioned above like a amount that each partner can spend without checking in…etc..

.All terrific stuff! As a financial therapist, I combined my background in finances with Marriage and Family Therapy to work around these important family issues. Thanks for this discussion. Please see my website for more information. financialtherapyservices.com

Best,
Carin Catalano, MPAcc, MS, LMFTA
Seattle, WA
carin@carincatalano.com
(206) 310-4130